Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Check this out!

Read my Family blog for a funny story and yet something profound all at the same time. The entry is entitled Socks...what else might we hold on to that isn't profiting anything or fixing anything?

Monday, May 3, 2010

Boy am I a mess

I messed up yesterday.

Big time...I literally exploded.

I think I've been holding in resentment and anger subconsiously for a long time.

I burst.

I acted in an unloving, unlikeable way, I was cruel and pushed and pushed and pushed.

And I liked it....I enjoyed the rush I got off of it.

And then I thought about what I did.

I didn't like myself so much anymore.

In fact, I was ashamed of myself.

I acted in a manner so unlike anything I thought I was.

I broke.

I'm crying out to God and asking for help.

I'm going to seek some tools and skills to help me deal with this.

But I am broken.

I am sad.

I am feeling small and unloveable.

I'm asking for prayer.

I need to seek GOD in this, He is the only help for me in this situation.

Help Me GOD! HELP ME! Help my unbelief!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

The Man, The Sickness and Being Angry

So the man is Sick...I mean needing an antibotic sick and I am mad at him.

That sounds petty and terrible but it's the truth. I am upset with him for being sick. He didn't plan on getting sick, he's not faking...we went to the doctor to get him more powerful medicines and such, but I'm still very upset with him.

I think it's because there is never an opportunity for me to be sick. When I am sick I still have to take care of the kids, the house, life and all. When he's sick he lays in bed all day and complains about feeling terrible. So maybe I am more jealous than angry...or maybe I just need to get over it all.

I don't know...but I'm tired and have a headache right now, so I'm really feeling it.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Cross and the Resurrection

Happy Easter!

My heart and soul are filled with joy as I contemplate on the wonders of my salvation. I Love Easter...single handedly it is the holiday that I feel the most deeply in my soul. You see my friends, it's more than eggs and candy, its more than fun and family it's LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But to truly grasp that life there was Death. Painful, humiliating, wrenching death of a criminal. Yet the person dying was not a criminal, no he was perfect. PERFECT! Not self righteous, not full of pride, a perfect man, SINLESS, never committing the pettiness that plague you and I, never being unjust in anger, a Perfect, Sinless Man. Yet he died. Not because he deserved to die, not because he had done anything wrong, but for ME...and YOU. He DIED to pay the penalty for all the wrongs we do...the wrongs of bad attitudes, bad habits, driving to fast, telling lies, thinking the wrong things, for those selfish motives and all the petty things we hold on too. The Bible tells us that ALL have sinned. There is nothing good in us, NOTHING...we are wretched, sinful creatures. And we would be left wallowing in our filth and despair if it weren't for JESUS... JESUS died for my sins and for you. He suffered and was humiliated so that we can be reconciled to God, so that we can be his Children! So to grasp the Life of Easter you must accept the Death of a Savior...the Perfect Sacrifice.

Then there is LIFE..the stamp of Approval of a Holy God to say YES! The price is paid and you can be forgiven. There is HOPE in knowing that the one who gave themselves as a sacrifice paid for my redemption with his blood and is ALIVE, sitting at the Right hand of the Father, interceding for you and me. There is a Savior, he accomplished what he said, he is the fulfillment of all the Prophesy's and HE will Reign forever on HIGH! His Sacrifice was enough, nothing more is needed except to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved!

So Friend, are you full of joy today because of what Jesus has done for you? Have you accepted His Sacrifice for the wrong doings you do and to you trust him for your Salvation. There is no other way, it is the Death and Resurrection of Jesus that changed the course of History and is the MOST SIGNIFICANT event Ever! It's so important! I have accepted this gift and I am filled with Joy knowing that My Savior lives and is working to Change me into who he wants me to be!


Thursday, April 1, 2010

So Nice

The kids had Spring Break this week.

I had Spring Break 2 weeks ago and thouroughly enjoyed my time off work and some quality me time. Since the kids are on a different school schedule from me, Dan and I both decided to use some personal and vacation time from work in order to enjoy being together as a family. I have a great boss who is completely supportive of my family and she was great in giving me both Tuesday and Thursday off of work this week. Friday is Good Friday and I already had the day off so it all fit together nicely.

It's been so nice to have my husband home in the evenings. Dan works second shift at his job and so we don't see him at night except on the weekends. He's been getting up earlier and making sure that he is spending quality time with the family. Monday we went out for dinner and then went and flew kites in the field behind our church. Tuesday, we went and saw a movie with Janea, she had won a prize of a movie date for reading in school, we saw "Percy Jackson and the Olympians, the Lightning Thief" . It was okay. I liked the books so much better. Wednesday he took the kids to the store to buy a few things and they bought me some pretty spring tulips...and today I think we may go bowling. It's been a blessing to be together as a family.

Dan and I are also feeling closer than we have in a long time. God is really opening our eyes to areas where we both struggle and fail in supporting one another and we are trying to work on these areas and be much more considerate of one another. It's definitely a process and one that can be challenging at times but it's so worth it and I am thankful for the opportunity to grow and mature with the man I love.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Running not Racing

I like to win.

I like being right.

I'll freely admit that I am a highly competetive person. I like to be first, I like to be right, I like to be the best. I HATE being wrong. I Hate it with my whole soul. It wounds me deeply and makes me feel like a big fat failure. I like getting recognized for the work I do and I like Praise.

I'm dealing with a situation where I work. I have a challenging student this year. He is a sweet little boy but he has issues....Big issues, and try as I might I feel like I am losing the battle with this student. Every technique, every strategy, every idea that I have works for like a day and then blows up in my face.

I ask for help or the ability to speak to someone who might be able to help with the situation and I am met with walls, and excuses. I never receive a thank you or a pat on the back for good days, and I am met with resistance on bad ones.

I've been studying the book of Hebrews. And the part where the author talks about running the race, with such a cloud of witnesses around us cheering us on. It's such an encouragement to know that there are other believers, others around me who are dealing with similar situations, who have dealt with the same challenges and have come out on the winning side. I don't have to win this one, I don't have to be right, I don't have to Fix this problem...I can't do that. I have to run and be the best teacher that I can be for this little boy. I need to dedicate my time not to focusing on the negative but the positives. To embrace the situation head on. To focus on loving this little boy the way Christ loves me with all my faults and problems. I have to run the race set before me....not to win the prize but to please God. I need to give my issues to HIM...I need to be open before HIM and let HIM work through me. It's not racing for a Prize or a Victory but running through my Christian life and working on being more of who my Savior wants me to be, a reflection of the one who died and gave his life for me, not because He wanted a prize but because it was the act of a Loving God.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Living, Loving, Growing

When you live with someone you can begin to take them for granted. You can begin to misunderstand them. You can start to be resentful and hateful in your thinking when you feel your being wronged. You can just resign yourself that things are not going to change and that you can't fix the other person.

And then God steps in.

I've been praying for my husband diligently for a few years. He is a great guy but he tends to be stubborn and obstinate in his thinking. He also always feels he is right. Many times he is right but it's frustrating when he isn't and he thinks he is to be the loving wife I need to be. So I have been praying. I have been praying for him, I have been praying for me, I have been praying for us.

And God is working.

It's little steps right now, a chink in the wall here, a revealing of a fear or hurt there, but its true communication, open and honest. It's more than just the everyday mundane parts of life. It's about opening up and being Close. That oneness that comes in marriage where you feel comfortable sharing even the ugly hurts and raw emotions. We haven't been there in a LONG time. It's rebuilding the closeness that makes two seperate people one. It's been broken and walled off and the walls are starting to fall down, there may be big things happening, and I can't take credit for it...it's gotta be God.

Thank you God for helping us in our living, loving and growing.

Friday, March 5, 2010

I Guess I Overreacted.

So my co-workers got me this on Monday for my birthday! This is what they actually were doing instead of going for a hamburger. That was the cover story...since they didn't think I'd care. OOOPS....thanks girls! Sorry that I got so mad...I'm blaming PMS....Love you all!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Petty Thinking over a Hamburger

Last night was rough.

I was in a mood. An irritated mood. An oh my goodness I'm so mad I could spit nails kind of mood.

It all started with a hamburger. yes, a hamburger. My co-workers decided that on their joint planning period that they would go and get a hamburger because they were hungry. That's fine, they are entitled to do that and I would not have been upset or frustrated if they had asked me if I wanted one. But they didn't ask. They just disappeared on their break and left the building without telling us why. They are grown women and they can do that but when I am craving something and making a run outside of the building I usually ask if anyone wants something, and they didn't do that. Now here's the kicker, they got caught in traffic! So their jaunt for a hamburger turns into a stressful situation for me...my class is supposed to go to P.E. and their class still is in P.E. because they aren't back yet, and no one know where they went...and they are caught in traffic. OH JOY...chaos and delay are no apparent, and I really need my planning period because my stressful student has just created a stressful situation and I need a break...RIGHT NOW...so I can calm myself down...and now I can't leave my kids with the specials teacher...and IT MADE ME SO MAD! I was furious at the whole situation.

Now what I wanted to do was throw a pity party...and to be honest I sorta did, but I also worked out, made food for the kids and relaxed. And by 10 this morning I was no longer angry!

So that is my confession of how a hamburger made me upset...I think it was a little bit hamburger and alot PMS...see I would have said no to a hamburger because I wasn't really hungry and I am trying not to spend a lot of money this week so I can buy my birthday present this weekend...more on that later. I was more bothered by the lack of asking than I was on them getting a hamburger...I really can be petty some times.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Forgetting February and Marching into March

So I feel off the bandwagon totally in February.

I totally stunk at all my goals...

I totally gave up and didn't care.

Today is March 1...

Time to get back on the wagon, take it on the chin and buck my self up.

I'm getting back to my goals.

I will do better.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Negativity Be Gone

I've been feeling rather negative recently.

It's not huge or anything but in the background of my mind there is this little cynical voice telling me the Opposite of what I should be thinking.

It's really getting old.

So I am going to make a conscious effort to focus more on Positives than Negatives. To take that little cynic in my mind and make it eat JOY! Cynicism hates JOY. I need to find the Happy in the moment not just the sad. I need to find the Peace when I may just be feeling MAD. I need to find the Contentment in what I have and the Determination to make life better than I thought it could be.

I'm going through some changes at work, not bad changes but change is hard. I need to embrace the change...isn't that what changing my thinking is all about? I need to take the bull by the horns and embrace the new, deal with the trouble and make it all work.

And I need to get back to blogging about what I am feeling and how I am changing my thinking. I need to get the feelings out and not bottle them up. So here's to Embracing the POSITIVE

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A Big Ol Bad Attitude

I had a pity party last night.

I was frustrated and feeling upset.

I ate Ice Cream for dinner and didn't cook...just reheated things for the kids.

I DID clean the kitchen.

I DID get most of the laundry done and put away.

I didn't feel like I accomplished anything.

I didn't do it with joy

I just did it.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Whoa...can we stop this crazy life I'm living?


I'm feeling like things are spinning all topsy turvy...life is moving rapidly around and I feel like sometimes I am standing still. Then I get moving again and I can't seem to be able to catch up. It's kinda like the gun scenes in old western movies...you know where people walk in slow motion and then the camera focuses on the hands and it's just entirely too long and then the shootout starts and it's over in like 3 seconds. So in honor of a western movie here is the Jonathan household version of the Good, the Bad and the Ugly..

I can honestly say that I started making good progress in January. I was in the Zone. I was cleaning the kitchen every night and working at getting the living room into decent semblence every night. The kids were on top of their stuff and it was working...it really was. I was getting ready to set goal number 3 and I was even working out every night.


Jaron comes down with the Stomach Flu...at 12:30 at night. SO I get roughly 3 hours of sleep and I get to clean up VOMIT...my favorite. This starts the cycle of mom being super tired and not feeling good at all. I need a minimum of 5 hours to feel good and I wasn't getting that. I stopped caring and I stopped doing my chores simply because I couldn't adequately function. I didn't work out because when your super tired exercise ceases to be helpful its more like torture. Then I come down with the stomach flu...and cease to function at all...and now Janea has it and is now just starting to feel better.

which turns into...


We're back to almost where we were when we started this process. The living room is trashed, the kitchen overflowing with dishes and the laundry starting to get out of control. Well, the Ugly is leaving. I'm taking charge, getting things back into shape...I have the kitchen counters cleaned and the sink clear. The laundry is getting done, the bathroom is getting cleaned up. Dinner is cooking and the livingroom will be cleaned before I go to bed.

I hate getting sick and I hate when the kids are sick. It makes for long days and nights. Looking forward to getting the house back to not looking like there are sick people afoot.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

A Challenge

I was challenged again in church this morning. We had a Baby dedication and many families dedicated their little ones.

It made me think. Am I instilling the things of the Lord in my kids? Am I training them in the admonition and ways of the Lord? Am I being the spiritual leader that they need in their lives? Am I being active and serving the Lord and am I letting them see me serve?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I could vs I WILL

I could Whine...and complain about my day

I could Pout and throw a mini tantrum

I could say I'm done and go to bed

I could run out and pick up dinner


I will look on the positives. Today was a better day than yesterday! Calmer, happier even.

I will smile and give a hug to my kids

I will make good choices and work out and read with the kiddos

I will cook dinner and eat healthy!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Meeting the Goal

I had a REALLY hard day today.

My class was challenging in a way that they typically are not. One student was extra aggressive and loud. Several were very weepy and wanting Mommy or Daddy. It was a long tiring day. I am now home and very tired.

I want to do nothing more than kick up my feet, order a pizza, and relax until I am ready for bed and then sleep until I wake up tomorrow.

However, reality is there is homework to do tonight. Dinner is being cooked...spaghetti with meatsauce. The kitchen will need to be cleaned and I should really do some exercising. So I am not being the sloth but working like the ant. I am striving to continue meeting my goal even if I am quite tired and feeling like I should not have to do it. I feel like I deserve a break when a break isn't really needed.

I really am changing my thinking about the way I treat my home life.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Hip Hip Hooray!

I just got the email confirmation that the new coat rack I had ordered has shipped!

It should get here Tuesday!

No more coats and bags on the floor and a neater hallway!

Hip Hip Hooray!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Weekend Update

It was a busy week.

Yet it was a decent week. I was able to keep up with the goals I had for the week, especially the living room and it wasn't until last night...when all 4 of us were home that the living room wasn't looking good when I went to bed. The kitchen sink is full but that's not a huge detriment since I just loaded the dishwasher this morning and now it's clean again. I have been keeping up with the pots and pans and big stuff so the little stuff is so much easier now. I think I am making progress.

I am making enough progress that I feel like I am ready to start a 3rd weekly goal. Now when I set a new goal I am not giving up the first 2 I am simply adding another layer, flavor to the cleanie stew I am making. I haven't set it yet...that's for Monday...but I think it's going to have something to do with laundry. I really slacked off with the laundry this week and I need to get better. It may also have to do with the bathroom...I just can't decide. I may ask Dan what he thinks I should work on next.

Speaking of Dan, he is noticing my hard work and I think he is appreciating it too. Though he still is unhappy when shoes aren't where he thinks they need to be and so he hides them...I found my favorite pair for work hidden between the front door and the screen this morning...but that's another ball of wax. The kids are also helping more around the house. It's so great to have good little helpers.

So that's this week in a nutshell...progress is being made, progress still needs to happen but I am happy with the changes and looking forward to changing my thinking even more!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

That Darn Murphey!

Murphey's Law can be a real downer...I hate Murphey!

Today I called Janea this morning to find out what time she needed to be picked up from her Student Council Meeting and she told me 4:50pm. So I'm running late to get her only to find out I'm basically an hour early...she had gotten the wrong time...that darn Murphey!

We need a big ol calendar to help us keep track of the times for all the stuff that is going on especially now that the kiddos are having activities separate from their Dad and I...I really wasn't prepared for these problems this soon...how's it going to be when they are older???

Monday, January 18, 2010

It's About Being Healthy

The more I think about this journey that I am on this year of changing my thinking I have realized that it really is more than just having a clean house. It's not just changing my thinking about my cleaning processes it's changing the way that I think about my life! I think I have been content for too long to just take life as it comes. To roll with the punches as it were but to always be REACTIVE rather than PROACTIVE.

When you are Reactive you tend to get frustrated easier. You spend your days waiting for the next thing to happen and not to create things that will make your life easier. What's funny for me is that on my working side I work hard at not being reactive but to have meaningful activities that cause me to create the learning environment that I desire for the children in my classroom. Why then can I not seem to do that at home? That's a good question and one that I have been pondering....it seems that since I am good at being Proactive at work I should easily be Proactive at home...but I am not. When I get home I am tired, I am often hungry, I am crabby from the situations that have gone on in the classroom and the last thing I often want to do is doing anything.

So today is Martin Luther King Jr's birthday. I am home from school since its a holiday and working on projects around the house. I need to make a new weekly goal but since I haven't really mastered the first two goals I should get into better habits with them. My desire is to develop GOOD habits but if I rush and take on too much I am afraid that it will be easy to slip back into my really bad habits. I have decided that this will be a Review week...when I teach we have review weeks for the children to reinforce the lessons we have learned. It's a healthy thing to be reviewing...change and learning doesn't happen overnight. It's a process by which we grow and mature...I'm still taking baby steps here...I have a long way to go in my goal and I have a whole year in which to accomplish this goal. We are only 18 days into the new year...I don't have to be perfect or even amazingly better this soon in the process.

I'm a firm believer in the process rather than the product in the classroom. A lot of the art that my students do is not something that I would hang on the walls but it is a skill that they are mastering...they are not going to be great at cuttting with scissors the first day but as time goes by and they master the process of using scissors their cutting skills improve so much. So my process is making sure that I am meeting goals 1 and 2 all this week. If I accomplish some bigger projects as I go along the way that is a benefit but not a neccessity. I will be content with being Proactive in the small things so that I no longer have to Reactive to my life. It's about being healthy in my thinking not just about killing myself for a goal that I think I need to meet quickly.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I Think It's Working

Small bits and little goals...I think its working.

My kitchen is cleaner...every night I am working at making it clean.

The living room is a nice place to relax...the mess and yuck is better...just little easy to fix things now.

I think it's WORKING!!! HOORAY!

Saturday, January 16, 2010


Do you ever need motivation to begin a job you really don't want to tackle? I know I certainly do.

Well this week I got motivation in the least likely of areas and it has turned into a good thing.

Motivator #1...Jaron

Jaron wanted to help clean the living room on Thursday night...more importantly he wanted to vacuum. So he started vacuuming and that's when I discovered the big bad clog. It was his desire to vacuum that really got me to work on fixing it. And I fixed it...I've actually got some mad skills.

Motivator #2...The Remote

Last night, we had takeout for dinner, and after doing a few things and the 3 hours of Super Mario Bros, I decided that the kids needed a break and Dan and I deserved some TV time. We tape some shows during the week to watch together on the weekends and it was nearing bedtime for the kiddos so it was the grown ups turn. The remote is missing. Gone, can't find it...

So for the next hour and a half we go through the living room, putting things away, cleaning behind furniture, cleaning out crumbs and all the bits that can fall into a couch...all to find the remote. We got 3 of the four walls done last night...it needed to be done and since we were moving furniture it was a good time to do it. Still couldn't find the remote. By this time it's getting late and the kids and I are tired...I had already put in a full day at work and just wanted to relax...so Dan jokingly asks...Did you check the kids backpacks...well, I check Jaron's backpack...not there...go into the black hole which is Janea's backpack and BINGO! The lost remote is in there...she had taken it to school.

So my weekly goal of cleaning the living room daily got an extra large shot in the arm. The living room is further along that it was and the missing item is found...all in all a tiring yet productive evening.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Proper Tools

In order to meet a goal, one needs proper tools.

I have tools to help me clean my living room. I have 2 little people who make messes and get to clean up their stuff. I also have a vacuum cleaner to help me with all the little pieces that fall from our feet, hands, mouths, noses...etc...except my vacuum cleaner wasn't really cleaning all that well. In fact when I turned it off it would spit out dust and dirt and the top was getting really dirty...so I went investigating.

I dismantled the hose...and looked down to a great big pile of yuck...jam packed full, I checked my bag...it's empty...I check where the hole to the hose is and felt in it's full to the end of the vacuum. I start pulling out stuff...yuck, crumbs, dirt and get it unjammed and go to vacuum thinking I have solved the problem...it's still not going up into the bag...what's the deal???

I take apart the area where the vacuum meets the bag...and blow into the hose to see if air is moving...I blow...nothing...I blow harder...still nothing...so I try to reach in...my fingers are too fat! I"m perplexed...how can I fix this...I think, I look for a coat hanger to dismantle but I have no metal ones....I keep thinking...and then it hits me..BAM! I can use the plumbing auger....so I get it and start threading into my vacuum hose...and it gets stuck...I move it around and wrestle it and bang it on the floor and out pops an army man and kleenex...all wadded up in a big pile of yuck...that's what's been clogging my vacuum cleaner...

I reassemble my vacuum, plug it back in and Voila! It's working like a charm! It's amazing what some elbow grease, ingenuity, and just sheer frustration can do for a person. Now my tool to help me meet my goal is working again! Thank Goodness!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Weekly Goal # 2

It's Monday...so here's this weeks goal.

To clean and tidy the living room and have the kids pick up their toys before going to bed each and every night...and vacuum if needed.

I'm good at letting the kids slack off and I am good at leaving a big pile of yuck...makes for unfun mornings...

Plus, I have to keep up with Weekly Goal #1...so it's actually a two stepper this week.

Lets see what progress levels can be made this week!

Making Progress

So one week is done with my challenge of changing my thinking. These baby steps are working.

My first weekly goal was to clean my kitchen every night before going to bed. This is so that in the morning I am greeted with a clean rather than dirty kitchen and my day can start better.

Well, on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the best I have ever done and 1 being I didn't even try...I would rate myself at a 7.5. I did well, but I can do better, I did not clean one night due to my stomach hurting and I didn't care. However, I can say that I accomplished something. I stuck to my goal and I forced myself to do it even when I didn't want to. I also felt a real since of yeah, this is working as the week went on. I can't explain it really, it's a feeling of true satisfaction...one I haven't honestly felt in a while. I have kinda just been existing rather than living in the house.

In fact, I am noticing that I am caring more about many more things, and I am working at trying to get the kiddos to care more as well.

On to Weekly Goal #2.

Friday, January 8, 2010

One would Think

Since I have had a snow day for the last 3 days....one would think I would have more done.

Since all of Christmas is put away...one would think the living room would be cleaner.

Since I have all this extra time....one would think my bedroom would be cleaner.

Well, one could think that but that doesn't mean it's happening.

I think I have ADD....I start one thing and before I know it....I'm doing something else.

Need to find some tools to help me stay on task.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Falling Down and Getting Back UP

I didn't complete my goal last night...

I didn't feel good, so I didn't care and didn't clean the counters and sink before bed.

However, I didn't leave alot out since I had put stuff in the dishwasher throughout the day.

Yet, there is still stuff on the counters.

I am going to take care of it this morning before doing anything else.

I can do better, I will do better.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


My kitchen needs to be cleaned tonight...so I can meet my goal....


I have a headache, a backache, it's cold, it's yucky, I'm tired.

It's been a long day and Jaron has been very crabby and upset over something that I can't fix.

The weather is bleak and dreary and we have another storm coming and I am not sure about school tomorrow and the kiddos are off again and it's been a long day and why did I set this goal???

Okay, I'm done whining,....I'm off to the kitchen to work on my goal. I have to do this...it's going to make me a better person in the long run....it's just hard.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Weekly Goal # 1

I have decided that in order to completely change my thinking habits and make myself change from being a "Messy" to more of a "Cleanie" I need to take baby steps...ie a weekly goal.

This weeks Goal:

To not go to bed without cleaning the kitchen, loading the dishwasher, and making the sink clear for the next morning.

I think it doable. This is a major area that needs to be worked on. Daily...and weekly, and monthly, and yearly, and lifely...so we will start with the daily of it all.

Off I go to clean the kitchen...

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Wasting Time

I'm good at wasting my time. I'll admit it...I can find 100 things that I would rather do than clean my house or take care of things that need to be taken care. I can easily curl up with a good book under a warm blanket with a cup of hot cocoa in the winter or take the kiddos to the pool and sit on a warm towel next to a pool of sparkling water in the summer instead of gettting my responsibilities done. I have an uncanny knack of overlooking the mess, the chaos of the house and find the one thing that is done...as if to say...see there is a good spot...your good Erin, your good, go have fun.

Well that really isn't good, it's really not working. I will be honest, it's stressful. Very stressful. My marriage suffers for it, my kids suffer for it, my esteem as a wife suffers for it. I don't think that it does but in reality it's true. My husband doesn't like coming home at night after work to a messy house. My kids don't like not being able to find things. My kids also don't like a stressed out mom who is overwhelmed and frustrated all the time.

My pastor talked this morning about Time. Everyone gets the same amount of time every day. It's up to us to use it in a way that is honoring to God, honoring to each other, and fulfilling. I could waste my time and blame others for the way the house looks or is. I often do this...I say well, if Dan helped more, this wouldn't be a problem. Or I say...if I had more space the house would be neater...no, I would just be able to fill it up with more junk. I also say....well, I work at school all day I don't want to work at home too.

Where is my priority? How do I shift my thinking? How do I make Time work for me rather than just wasting my time with a whole lot of nothing that doesn't do me any good or bring me any lasting peace or joy? This is the task that I am embarking on this year. To not waste Time. To make the actions I take to make my house and life better work in a easy, time fulfilling way. So we have more time....together as a family, as a mom in helping with homework, more fun in our life. This is my challenge this year.

So I am off to fill up my time doing things that will help the greater good of the family. That isn't to say that it is the only thing I will focus on but it's on my mind and I Will be more productive with my time.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

A New Blog

I've decided that I need a second blog...one just for me.

This is going to be an account of how I am going to change my thinking from being a MESSY person to a person who has her household more under control.

It's going to be a place where I can write my frustrations and joys when I have accomplished a new goal.

It's come out of my New Year's Resolution. My goal for this year is to have my house cleaner, more organized more undercontrol than I did on the first day of 2010. So I have 364 days to accomplish my goal.

I am needing a way to be accountable to this goal and blogging is going to be my tool.

Come and join me on my journey from being an out of Control Messy Person to someone who has her home life undercontrol and her house her true castle and retreat.