Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Check this out!

Read my Family blog for a funny story and yet something profound all at the same time. The entry is entitled Socks...what else might we hold on to that isn't profiting anything or fixing anything?

Monday, May 3, 2010

Boy am I a mess

I messed up yesterday.

Big time...I literally exploded.

I think I've been holding in resentment and anger subconsiously for a long time.

I burst.

I acted in an unloving, unlikeable way, I was cruel and pushed and pushed and pushed.

And I liked it....I enjoyed the rush I got off of it.

And then I thought about what I did.

I didn't like myself so much anymore.

In fact, I was ashamed of myself.

I acted in a manner so unlike anything I thought I was.

I broke.

I'm crying out to God and asking for help.

I'm going to seek some tools and skills to help me deal with this.

But I am broken.

I am sad.

I am feeling small and unloveable.

I'm asking for prayer.

I need to seek GOD in this, He is the only help for me in this situation.

Help Me GOD! HELP ME! Help my unbelief!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

The Man, The Sickness and Being Angry

So the man is Sick...I mean needing an antibotic sick and I am mad at him.

That sounds petty and terrible but it's the truth. I am upset with him for being sick. He didn't plan on getting sick, he's not faking...we went to the doctor to get him more powerful medicines and such, but I'm still very upset with him.

I think it's because there is never an opportunity for me to be sick. When I am sick I still have to take care of the kids, the house, life and all. When he's sick he lays in bed all day and complains about feeling terrible. So maybe I am more jealous than angry...or maybe I just need to get over it all.

I don't know...but I'm tired and have a headache right now, so I'm really feeling it.