Boy am I a mess

I messed up yesterday.

Big time...I literally exploded.

I think I've been holding in resentment and anger subconsiously for a long time.

I burst.

I acted in an unloving, unlikeable way, I was cruel and pushed and pushed and pushed.

And I liked it....I enjoyed the rush I got off of it.

And then I thought about what I did.

I didn't like myself so much anymore.

In fact, I was ashamed of myself.

I acted in a manner so unlike anything I thought I was.

I broke.

I'm crying out to God and asking for help.

I'm going to seek some tools and skills to help me deal with this.

But I am broken.

I am sad.

I am feeling small and unloveable.

I'm asking for prayer.

I need to seek GOD in this, He is the only help for me in this situation.

Help Me GOD! HELP ME! Help my unbelief!