Boy am I a mess

I messed up yesterday.

Big time...I literally exploded.

I think I've been holding in resentment and anger subconsiously for a long time.

I burst.

I acted in an unloving, unlikeable way, I was cruel and pushed and pushed and pushed.

And I liked it....I enjoyed the rush I got off of it.

And then I thought about what I did.

I didn't like myself so much anymore.

In fact, I was ashamed of myself.

I acted in a manner so unlike anything I thought I was.

I broke.

I'm crying out to God and asking for help.

I'm going to seek some tools and skills to help me deal with this.

But I am broken.

I am sad.

I am feeling small and unloveable.

I'm asking for prayer.

I need to seek GOD in this, He is the only help for me in this situation.

Help Me GOD! HELP ME! Help my unbelief!

Forgetting February and Marching into March

So I feel off the bandwagon totally in February.

I totally stunk at all my goals...

I totally gave up and didn't care.

Today is March 1...

Time to get back on the wagon, take it on the chin and buck my self up.

I'm getting back to my goals.

I will do better.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Whoa...can we stop this crazy life I'm living?



Please?



I'm feeling like things are spinning all topsy turvy...life is moving rapidly around and I feel like sometimes I am standing still. Then I get moving again and I can't seem to be able to catch up. It's kinda like the gun scenes in old western movies...you know where people walk in slow motion and then the camera focuses on the hands and it's just entirely too long and then the shootout starts and it's over in like 3 seconds. So in honor of a western movie here is the Jonathan household version of the Good, the Bad and the Ugly..

THE GOOD:
I can honestly say that I started making good progress in January. I was in the Zone. I was cleaning the kitchen every night and working at getting the living room into decent semblence every night. The kids were on top of their stuff and it was working...it really was. I was getting ready to set goal number 3 and I was even working out every night.

then...

THE BAD:
Jaron comes down with the Stomach Flu...at 12:30 at night. SO I get roughly 3 hours of sleep and I get to clean up VOMIT...my favorite. This starts the cycle of mom being super tired and not feeling good at all. I need a minimum of 5 hours to feel good and I wasn't getting that. I stopped caring and I stopped doing my chores simply because I couldn't adequately function. I didn't work out because when your super tired exercise ceases to be helpful its more like torture. Then I come down with the stomach flu...and cease to function at all...and now Janea has it and is now just starting to feel better.

which turns into...

THE UGLY:

We're back to almost where we were when we started this process. The living room is trashed, the kitchen overflowing with dishes and the laundry starting to get out of control. Well, the Ugly is leaving. I'm taking charge, getting things back into shape...I have the kitchen counters cleaned and the sink clear. The laundry is getting done, the bathroom is getting cleaned up. Dinner is cooking and the livingroom will be cleaned before I go to bed.

I hate getting sick and I hate when the kids are sick. It makes for long days and nights. Looking forward to getting the house back to not looking like there are sick people afoot.

That Darn Murphey!

Murphey's Law can be a real downer...I hate Murphey!

Today I called Janea this morning to find out what time she needed to be picked up from her Student Council Meeting and she told me 4:50pm. So I'm running late to get her only to find out I'm basically an hour early...she had gotten the wrong time...that darn Murphey!

We need a big ol calendar to help us keep track of the times for all the stuff that is going on especially now that the kiddos are having activities separate from their Dad and I...I really wasn't prepared for these problems this soon...how's it going to be when they are older???

Falling Down and Getting Back UP

I didn't complete my goal last night...

I didn't feel good, so I didn't care and didn't clean the counters and sink before bed.

However, I didn't leave alot out since I had put stuff in the dishwasher throughout the day.

Yet, there is still stuff on the counters.

I am going to take care of it this morning before doing anything else.

I can do better, I will do better.